L O S T

Life. The word itself.... made me wonder.. what I want in life. I'm lost and confused with my own life. More like I don't know if I'm making the right decision as of now. Of course I know, that I don't belong there. There's no such space for me at all, it's taken. Obviously, I gotta just accept it and move on. But when there's someone else that willing to do anything for me.. I feel a bit awkward and all.. Prolly cause I've never felt this way before. It's something new for me, and I'm not used to it. It's kinda like a culture shock to me and it made me think that I don't deserve this at all. After all, I hate myself for becoming like a bitch. But of course, I know that I do not wish to hurt an innocent soul cause I know how it feel. Maybe I need some time alone and heal. Guess I shouldn't rush myself to fall for someone else when I know I'm not over it yet. I'm sorry.

I'm tired

It's just the beginning of the year.. And i'm mentally drained. It feels like the workload and everything just being hard on me. I don't think anyone would understand this feelings whereby it is very tiring to act okay and always be strong when in reality you're close to the edge. I guess if people care a lot about you; they will actually felt the change in you and will check on you. Yes, i'm tired.. But i'm not like sleepy tired. I'm just tired of everything. I just wish i can just put everything down and just run to somewhere relaxing. Just lie down while looking up at the amazing sky or listen to the waves crashing against the shore. It's just soo torturous and toxic... I guess.. it's better.. to just give up on everything and change the environment. Cause in the end, no one will care. You just gotta live your life to the fullest and never expect anyone to be there by your side always cause one day they might leave your side. Never too dependent on someone cause if once they're gone.. You'll be crippled and you'll find yourself useless or worthless. But if there's someone who would be there by your side no matter what, it's a blessing from God I would say. I really hope, I'm that one lucky person. God bless.

"I don't stop when I'm tired, I stop when I'm done"