Think it Through

Well, hello there my fellow readers. It's been a while, isn't it? Let's do a quick update here. "Never judge a book by its cover." It is very important for you guys to actually get to know someone at a deeper level. Not just superficial level and next thing, yall wanting to get married and settle down. My dear, in this world.. Never ever ever ever rush into that. Yall has a bigger goal aside from that. I mean getting married and settling down with having a new family etc is one of the goals that we have in mind. Obviously, I can't deny that. But is it really worth it for yall to settle down knowing you have no say in anything in the future or you becoming the guy in the relationship, while the guy is behaving like a girl? When I said that, I meant that the girl has to be the man for the family eg pay more for the house, plan for this and that, initiate the convo and update things always, etc. I mean we all want to settle down with someone who can look after one another, share problems with one another, have proper communication, plan for anything together, and importantly have our backs even when our own family turns their back on us. We are all in a relationship where we want our partner to tackle the problems together, not make us feel alone. If you girls are in a relationship, yet yall feel like yall are single... I may want yall to think again if this relationship is worth it. Honestly to me, it's not worth it. In a relationship... It is always about how you and your partner tackle the problem, and not about you guys fighting over a problem. It's 2 VS 1. Not 1 VS 1. One more thing, before settling down or engaged even, please please please do a background check on them. Get to know them properly before signing up to be with them for the rest of your life. You may not want to regret your life decision for not being able to know their finances, family, and education properly.  It doesn't matter how high qualifications they possess or what occupation, it's more of whether or not are they lying just to make sure their ego is still there. Finances are very important, like if you don't have the money to buy a house... You may want to hold on to that thinking of settling down.  I don't mean you can't get married to them. You can for sure but hold on first... Work on the finances first, then once stable you can do so. You wouldn't want to get married and then you and your partner will face financial burden. If yall don't have the planning together and communication, it's equally like yall are being forced to get married. How are yall even wanna settle down and be living under the same roof when you don't know anything about your partner. 

Will there be love after all this that is happening in your relationship?  

Think wisely, my dear girls. 

Hold up, I probably may sound biased. But guys too, just reversed the story ya. I mean you guys wouldn't want to settle down with a girl who only wants to settle down, but not doing anything about their finances. Please that too, you guys have to think again. I mean yes, guys are like the head of the family like that, but not everything you have to fork out... I mean unless you guys want to be the man and pay off everything on your own. Then by all means.

I just want yall to be happy and not regret with any of your decisions made. 

L O S T

Life. The word itself.... made me wonder.. what I want in life. I'm lost and confused with my own life. More like I don't know if I'm making the right decision as of now. Of course I know, that I don't belong there. There's no such space for me at all, it's taken. Obviously, I gotta just accept it and move on. But when there's someone else that willing to do anything for me.. I feel a bit awkward and all.. Prolly cause I've never felt this way before. It's something new for me, and I'm not used to it. It's kinda like a culture shock to me and it made me think that I don't deserve this at all. After all, I hate myself for becoming like a bitch. But of course, I know that I do not wish to hurt an innocent soul cause I know how it feel. Maybe I need some time alone and heal. Guess I shouldn't rush myself to fall for someone else when I know I'm not over it yet. I'm sorry.

I'm tired

It's just the beginning of the year.. And i'm mentally drained. It feels like the workload and everything just being hard on me. I don't think anyone would understand this feelings whereby it is very tiring to act okay and always be strong when in reality you're close to the edge. I guess if people care a lot about you; they will actually felt the change in you and will check on you. Yes, i'm tired.. But i'm not like sleepy tired. I'm just tired of everything. I just wish i can just put everything down and just run to somewhere relaxing. Just lie down while looking up at the amazing sky or listen to the waves crashing against the shore. It's just soo torturous and toxic... I guess.. it's better.. to just give up on everything and change the environment. Cause in the end, no one will care. You just gotta live your life to the fullest and never expect anyone to be there by your side always cause one day they might leave your side. Never too dependent on someone cause if once they're gone.. You'll be crippled and you'll find yourself useless or worthless. But if there's someone who would be there by your side no matter what, it's a blessing from God I would say. I really hope, I'm that one lucky person. God bless.

"I don't stop when I'm tired, I stop when I'm done"

I'm very much happier

The past few months can be hard for you guys. Prolly due to a bad break up, lose a friend etc. It's okay, don't worry. Cause all this happened for a reason. Take it like a lesson learnt for yall, like what you can improve in yourself or plainly.. They're just toxic to be in your life to start with. Why bother and make yourself feel all shitty when you didn't do any grave mistakes. All you did was trying to understand them but yet, you've been left all alone in a dark hole pondering about what they're up to. People lied cause they don't wanna lose you and they wanna have other attentions from other people. In short, they love attention. If you can't give him/her the support that they wanted, they will eventually go hunt for other girls/guys for the support from them. Why bother be with them if they think you wont support him/her for what they wanna do? It's pretty obvious that they already found another source that supported him/her to the extend he/she doesnt care if you wanna stay by their side. Don't be dumb, just leave. And of course, once you leave a toxic relationship which filled with lies or friendship which filled with unwanted remarks, you sure be happy as hell! Like you'll be able to be happy and don't care about unnecessary people in your life. Also, what they do doesn't bother you anymore cause they'll be gone from your life and your mind. They are whom you can call toxic. Toxic people shall flock together with toxic people. Cause they will be happy eventually due to their lies to one another and how dramatic they will be. I'm not asking yall to hope for the worst for them, but to wish them all the best with whatever they do. Hope they don't fall into a big hole while avoiding a small hole. What you can do now is be happy cause if someone who really loves you(be it as a friend), they will make you happy or rather their presence itself can make you happy. 

"You don't know how happy I am. I'm very happy."

Moving on

Never cry for someone who hurts you, just smile and say: "Thanks for giving me the chance to find someone better than you". If someone really love you, they will never hurt you with his actions, words or his selfish decisions.

Stop wasting your tears and effort for someone who does not see your worth and appreciate you. They will only start to appreciate you and miss your presence the moment you left them for good and they got nothing left. Provided they think losing you was a huge mistake for them. If not, don't even bother knowing.

Don't ever care about what your ex is doing cause they don't even care about what you're doing. He will just felt that their long awaited freedom and no one to control him has finally come. Calling your own gf cheating on someone else when she don't; is a sucha BIG TURNOFF! Prolly that's just a reverse psychology, where your "bf" and the girl he's with always are cheating. (it's just an assumption like who in the right world would trust his own girl friend and not his own girlfriend?).

Never let a guy take you for granted. You may have everything, but he doesn't. Yes, you loved him for who he is... But it's not the same for him. Cause he might only love you for what he don't have in him. Just don't let him used you. If he does, he will tend to control you and make you his "slave" whenever yall fight or whatever. He will never blame himself for causing soo much pain and problems in this relationship. Reason being... He knew you will be the one giving in, the one to blame yourself for everything and also he knew you won't leave him his side no matter what happens.

So before you get hurt yourself a little more.. Let him go and move on. Never look back in the past ever again. Never ever ever ever be curious about what is he doing or his wellbeing. DON'T! If you still continue to care all these little things.. It just mean that you can't really move on and will stuck forever at the same position. You just gotta move forward and look into the bigger picture. There's many other guys out there who is better and waiting for you. So, don't ever look back to a someone who does not worth your time and effort instead look forward for the better ones who appreciate your effort and most importantly.. YOU for being you.

"Don't look back - move on"

Priorities

Why still continue to prioritise someone who doesn't put you first in their priorities list? Why are you even hurting yourself? Don't ever prioritise someone who don't prioritise you first. At most, you will get hurt knowing that your expectations doesn't met. You shouldn't be expecting anything actually. Like my previous post.. "Expect the unexpected". Why go that extra mile when that someone is just enjoying the fact that you're prioritising him/her BUT you don't get anything in return. Well, I'm not saying you shouldn't but as long you're sincere go ahead. But, as a human beings, we do have limits. Ask yourself, until when will you still be sincere and go that extra mile when you didn't get anything in return. Instead, all you got was.. You're just either their second option or rather third option after his/her friends. Why do that when you actually put him/her as your first option instead of your friends or fam etc.? Do you still think it's fair? Even though you and him/her went out with your individual friends, you're curious about his/her whereabouts or what are they up to. But, does he/she cares about your whereabouts or what are you up to? At most he/she will just reply you when he/she got the time or already heading home. Cuz why? That friend's attention are more crucial and important as compared to your texts. Actions speak louder than words. So, ask yourself again.. Are you really a girlfriend or a boyfriend material to him/her or just a thing for him/her to have fun with?

All in all, it's YOU who put in too much for the relationship. Like you're the one who is afraid of losing him/her and not them. Just an advise for yall, please don't let your partner take granted of you yeah. Make him/her know your worth. If he/she seemed not scared of losing you, by all means, you should leave that toxic relationship. Reason is... He/she knew you won't leave. So, know your worth and think what is right and what is not yeah. Why be in a relationship where you are not his/her first priority? Heart breaks ain't easy, but it's better to leave the toxic relationship than to stay. Am I right?

Now it's 2019 already my lovelies! Let's start the year with positive vibes and set your priorities right! Don't forget to love yourself more than loving others okay!

"Self love is the best therapy"

Life's hard

Back to back of getting myself into that same black hole over and over again. It's not like I wanted it to be this way, but once my trust for you are affected. It's really for sure... is very hard for me to put my trust on you again. But, if i'm trying to put my trust on you, please value it. Cox once it's broken again, I wont be turning back at you ever again. I really don't care if you're someone I love dearly or close friend. Trust is everything to me and everyone.

People say to forget about the past. But, it's not easy to forget especially it triggered your trust. Prolly it affected me badly is because I really gave my 100% trust for them. I'm that nice, naive and gullible cause I expect people to tell me 100% truths like I did.

If I had known about it way before.. I wouldn't have chose this path. But again, it helps me to grow and be more wiser with whatever I do in the future. I guess this is part of growing up too. Only the true ones will stay by your side.

"Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair."