I'm tired

It's just the beginning of the year.. And i'm mentally drained. It feels like the workload and everything just being hard on me. I don't think anyone would understand this feelings whereby it is very tiring to act okay and always be strong when in reality you're close to the edge. I guess if people care a lot about you; they will actually felt the change in you and will check on you. Yes, i'm tired.. But i'm not like sleepy tired. I'm just tired of everything. I just wish i can just put everything down and just run to somewhere relaxing. Just lie down while looking up at the amazing sky or listen to the waves crashing against the shore. It's just soo torturous and toxic... I guess.. it's better.. to just give up on everything and change the environment. Cause in the end, no one will care. You just gotta live your life to the fullest and never expect anyone to be there by your side always cause one day they might leave your side. Never too dependent on someone cause if once they're gone.. You'll be crippled and you'll find yourself useless or worthless. But if there's someone who would be there by your side no matter what, it's a blessing from God I would say. I really hope, I'm that one lucky person. God bless.

"I don't stop when I'm tired, I stop when I'm done"

I'm very much happier

The past few months can be hard for you guys. Prolly due to a bad break up, lose a friend etc. It's okay, don't worry. Cause all this happened for a reason. Take it like a lesson learnt for yall, like what you can improve in yourself or plainly.. They're just toxic to be in your life to start with. Why bother and make yourself feel all shitty when you didn't do any grave mistakes. All you did was trying to understand them but yet, you've been left all alone in a dark hole pondering about what they're up to. People lied cause they don't wanna lose you and they wanna have other attentions from other people. In short, they love attention. If you can't give him/her the support that they wanted, they will eventually go hunt for other girls/guys for the support from them. Why bother be with them if they think you wont support him/her for what they wanna do? It's pretty obvious that they already found another source that supported him/her to the extend he/she doesnt care if you wanna stay by their side. Don't be dumb, just leave. And of course, once you leave a toxic relationship which filled with lies or friendship which filled with unwanted remarks, you sure be happy as hell! Like you'll be able to be happy and don't care about unnecessary people in your life. Also, what they do doesn't bother you anymore cause they'll be gone from your life and your mind. They are whom you can call toxic. Toxic people shall flock together with toxic people. Cause they will be happy eventually due to their lies to one another and how dramatic they will be. I'm not asking yall to hope for the worst for them, but to wish them all the best with whatever they do. Hope they don't fall into a big hole while avoiding a small hole. What you can do now is be happy cause if someone who really loves you(be it as a friend), they will make you happy or rather their presence itself can make you happy. 

"You don't know how happy I am. I'm very happy."

Moving on

Never cry for someone who hurts you, just smile and say: "Thanks for giving me the chance to find someone better than you". If someone really love you, they will never hurt you with his actions, words or his selfish decisions.

Stop wasting your tears and effort for someone who does not see your worth and appreciate you. They will only start to appreciate you and miss your presence the moment you left them for good and they got nothing left. Provided they think losing you was a huge mistake for them. If not, don't even bother knowing.

Don't ever care about what your ex is doing cause they don't even care about what you're doing. He will just felt that their long awaited freedom and no one to control him has finally come. Calling your own gf cheating on someone else when she don't; is a sucha BIG TURNOFF! Prolly that's just a reverse psychology, where your "bf" and the girl he's with always are cheating. (it's just an assumption like who in the right world would trust his own girl friend and not his own girlfriend?).

Never let a guy take you for granted. You may have everything, but he doesn't. Yes, you loved him for who he is... But it's not the same for him. Cause he might only love you for what he don't have in him. Just don't let him used you. If he does, he will tend to control you and make you his "slave" whenever yall fight or whatever. He will never blame himself for causing soo much pain and problems in this relationship. Reason being... He knew you will be the one giving in, the one to blame yourself for everything and also he knew you won't leave him his side no matter what happens.

So before you get hurt yourself a little more.. Let him go and move on. Never look back in the past ever again. Never ever ever ever be curious about what is he doing or his wellbeing. DON'T! If you still continue to care all these little things.. It just mean that you can't really move on and will stuck forever at the same position. You just gotta move forward and look into the bigger picture. There's many other guys out there who is better and waiting for you. So, don't ever look back to a someone who does not worth your time and effort instead look forward for the better ones who appreciate your effort and most importantly.. YOU for being you.

"Don't look back - move on"

Priorities

Why still continue to prioritise someone who doesn't put you first in their priorities list? Why are you even hurting yourself? Don't ever prioritise someone who don't prioritise you first. At most, you will get hurt knowing that your expectations doesn't met. You shouldn't be expecting anything actually. Like my previous post.. "Expect the unexpected". Why go that extra mile when that someone is just enjoying the fact that you're prioritising him/her BUT you don't get anything in return. Well, I'm not saying you shouldn't but as long you're sincere go ahead. But, as a human beings, we do have limits. Ask yourself, until when will you still be sincere and go that extra mile when you didn't get anything in return. Instead, all you got was.. You're just either their second option or rather third option after his/her friends. Why do that when you actually put him/her as your first option instead of your friends or fam etc.? Do you still think it's fair? Even though you and him/her went out with your individual friends, you're curious about his/her whereabouts or what are they up to. But, does he/she cares about your whereabouts or what are you up to? At most he/she will just reply you when he/she got the time or already heading home. Cuz why? That friend's attention are more crucial and important as compared to your texts. Actions speak louder than words. So, ask yourself again.. Are you really a girlfriend or a boyfriend material to him/her or just a thing for him/her to have fun with?

All in all, it's YOU who put in too much for the relationship. Like you're the one who is afraid of losing him/her and not them. Just an advise for yall, please don't let your partner take granted of you yeah. Make him/her know your worth. If he/she seemed not scared of losing you, by all means, you should leave that toxic relationship. Reason is... He/she knew you won't leave. So, know your worth and think what is right and what is not yeah. Why be in a relationship where you are not his/her first priority? Heart breaks ain't easy, but it's better to leave the toxic relationship than to stay. Am I right?

Now it's 2019 already my lovelies! Let's start the year with positive vibes and set your priorities right! Don't forget to love yourself more than loving others okay!

"Self love is the best therapy"

Life's hard

Back to back of getting myself into that same black hole over and over again. It's not like I wanted it to be this way, but once my trust for you are affected. It's really for sure... is very hard for me to put my trust on you again. But, if i'm trying to put my trust on you, please value it. Cox once it's broken again, I wont be turning back at you ever again. I really don't care if you're someone I love dearly or close friend. Trust is everything to me and everyone.

People say to forget about the past. But, it's not easy to forget especially it triggered your trust. Prolly it affected me badly is because I really gave my 100% trust for them. I'm that nice, naive and gullible cause I expect people to tell me 100% truths like I did.

If I had known about it way before.. I wouldn't have chose this path. But again, it helps me to grow and be more wiser with whatever I do in the future. I guess this is part of growing up too. Only the true ones will stay by your side.

"Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair."

Single?

Ever pondered if you deserve this love? Prolly you guys out there dreamt to have the perfect boyfriend. Well, who doesn't? If this will be your first, please don't expect too much because there's no such thing as perfect boyfriend. I myself is not perfect. Everyone do have their own flaws. In relationship, you gotta accept someone for who they are be it their good side, bad side and ugly side of them. You gotta accept your other half for everything. But that doesn't mean your other half can treat you like a fool. But do not tell him all of your concerns about his social because he will find you a burden or don't understand him. You may kinda hope that your own first relationship would last. You may be naive about this cuz it's quite rare to have someone to last with their first partners. Maybe this is just an experience for you? Well, just chill and let God do his job. It's okay to be single again if this relationship doesn't meant for you. It's not a harm to be single again. But i really hope your  relationship would last. God bless you.

I still love you. -unknown

H A P P Y ?

Happy? Happy means you're satisfied with what you're doing and also with the people around you that you trust dearly. But if once the trust has been broken for some reasons, it might be hard for you to trust that person. This is just because you're afraid of getting lied on and have that bits of not trusting him.

In order to be happy with him as a partner who has broke your trust. It's okay to give him another chance. Because he may do it due to his own reasons that you might not known yet. But that doesn't mean you have to trust every single thing he said till it's proven. Don't be naive.

If you think you can give him another chance, by all means you gotta put trust on him at least and stop bringing up the past. He knew he did the mistake but you shouldn't be bugging him with the mistakes he did. He might be irritated by you. So DONT! If you still can stop bugging him abt the past, it just mean that you dont trust him anymore. So by all means i think it's best if you and him part ways. I guess that would be better.

In relationship, you don't expect for rainbows always. Without sunshine and rain there wont be any rainbows. It's just like a rollercoaster ride. In order to last, yall gotta work things out tgt. Have an adult conversation rather thn conversation over texts. If yall managed to face all these ups and downs, it will actually make your relationship with that person even stronger. Cuz yall are not in the phase of saying i love you to each other anymore, instead you guys are learning abt each other and how to work things out if things doesn't go both you and your partner's ways.

"There would be no rainbows without sunshine and rain."